Love? My Ass!

I'm have a lot on my mind these days and sometimes things makes better sense when I write it down, so I'm hoping this will help.
No need to hide this or try make it sound less mad, but I'm kind of a retard when it comes to love.
Meaning, I block everyhing that makes me fall for someone or even just something that is a bit more than just flirting.
Yeah, I sound slightly crazy, but as aways, I have a good reason.

As most of my friends know, I've been nothing but hurt when it comes to relationships and love, so I guess in my own wierd way I'm protecting myself from being hurt again.
People might say I'm closeminded for being like this and that I should give love a chance.
But I know that everyone who has been hurt knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm not kidding when I say that it nearly killed me last time.

And yes, I know that sounds dramatic, but when you've been struggeling with deep depression for years, it doesn't take much to end up like that again.
No, I'm not writing this to get attention.
This is how it is and I'm just being honest.

But anyways...

It's not always easy seeing all of my friends being in relationships, a few of them are even engaged, and I'm always the tag-along when we meet.
I have a lot of online friends and the friends I have in real life doesn't really know me as well as my Internet friends do.
Yes, most of you would say something like this:
''That's so tragic that you don't talk to your real friends about stuff.''
I guess it is, but they don't share either.

None of my friends are a geek like me and are into youtube, blogging or other nerdy things.
I mean, they have facebook and all, but that's pretty much it.
Hence why I hide my youtube from my real friends.
Or at least I try to hide it.
No idea if they watch my videos or not.
Mum knows I'm a vlogger, and at first she thought that I was doing live sex shows or something.
This is what happens when you have a parent that are clueless about the Internet.
All she knows about it is the negative things she hears about on TV.

But this blog just went overboard.

But I think you get the idea of why I'm so anti love.
I know I might miss out, but the thought of being hurt again just makes me want to jump off a cliff or something.

If you read this entire post I adore you, but it was mostly for me getting some crap out.

xx

- Melissa